she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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