I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
