this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
