Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
