I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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