Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
