God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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