Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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