It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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