so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I pour the whiskey from now on
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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