i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize