I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
