I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
