We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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