I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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