wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
