she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
