i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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