while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
