You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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