yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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