There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize