my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i think my cat just said my name.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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