They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
