Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
