we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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