He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
