This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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