I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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