Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
