I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
