I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
