I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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