Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
