I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
