That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think your dad took our porno
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
