Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
