I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
