Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just forgot I was standing up.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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