I cockslap morals
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
