My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
