In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize