We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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