dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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