you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
