And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize