Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
