I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
