this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
