I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
