Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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