when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
