Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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