The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
