Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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