I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
