you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
love makes seman taste better
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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