Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
