Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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