When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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