theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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