As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
