im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
