The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
