No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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