when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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