she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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