In America we eat man semen.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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