spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
