Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
