He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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