I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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