where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
porn star boner night. come get it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
