ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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