franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
false alarm, still single
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
