I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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