How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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