i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
