I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
