i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
