I bet he comes in French.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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