from now on my penis is your penis
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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