I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
