I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
