omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
