I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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