this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
