how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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