just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
