You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
