I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
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