my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
