Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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