i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
