Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
