i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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