Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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