Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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