Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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