After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
