sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i was born a porn star she said
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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