it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
