We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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