He had one of those small greek statue penises
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
