It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You smell like stripper and shame
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
