he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize