I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
