cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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