??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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