capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
