some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
