Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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