i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
